My Non-apology Cards

 These are what I call my non-apology cards. They explain some of my Asperger's behaviors in words I can't always find in the moment. They help me to express myself in a way that adds not subtracts from my self-esteem.

I encourage others to make their own cards, for their own situations, but I have found that many identify with these feelings, and I think they are good for other people, not just Aspies.

Thriving During Mercury Retrograde, or any other time

Since I have begun practicing silent magic of thanksgiving and humility the miracles have been abundant.  What would Mercury Retrograde do to my new found (or re-found) ability to be in the right place at the right time and catch the miracle.  Usually I dread and fear Mercury Retrograde and blame all my problems during that time on it, commiserate with my friends whose cars and phone and appointments aren’t working.

But this time I’m working with the crazy idea I can be happy every day and everything I need falls into my path.  And a couple of Facebook posts said there were ways around it.  So I just decided it wouldn’t affect me this time negatively.  And I’d heard of actually being able to use the Mercury Retrograde energy for positive results.  So then I forgot about it and went on my own happy miraculous thankful way.

What I did notice was the miracles seemed to be picking up in intensity and frequency.  I’d see a post on Facebook reminding me it was Mercury retrograde, but I skimmed onto the next post.  When I noticed a post giving thanks Mercury retrograde was ending, I said, “Wow, I surfed right through that one.”

Then I thought maybe Mercury retrograde actually helped with some of the miracles bouncing me through missed appointments and car troubles until I was at the right place at the right time connecting with others who were bounced out of their usual orbits.  The coincidences were certainly amazing.

So there it is, how to thrive during Mercury retrograde, or any time things don’t work out the way you planned:  let go of control and go with the flow.  Our main lesson recently with the lava in Pāhoa town. 

Catch the miracles as they fly by because they will be fast and coming from a direction you don’t expect.  Give thanks.

Raven Creates Her World

Once there was a rainbow river flowing round and round in a circle with no hole.  Everywhere this flowing rainbow river sang and danced with itself round and round in the circle with no beginning and no end.  Nothing was there but the rainbow ocean of dancing light.  The dancing light wove itself into tapestries of shifting perspectives.  Time had not yet been born.

A Black Speck appeared when enough colors had collided to melt into emptiness.  The Black Speck danced and danced, growing and growing until it had mass and energy.  It was creating form from emptiness. Darkness from light.  It danced and danced until feathers appeared and then a sharp beak and wings unfolding dancing round and round darkness growing from rainbow light colliding in the dance unfolding darkness until Raven is born.  She dances and dances round and round in the dance hall of rainbow light that is the universe.

Raven and Rainbow dance into eternity and create the world.

The rainbow circled down and reached the nearest collection of solid space, held solid by generations of beings imagining the grass and sky.  Born to unsuspecting human parents, Raven never forgets the rainbow light and searches for it long and down dark narrow places, searching myths and legends for signposts pointing the way back.  Her search leads down all paths.  The cross and circle into impossible patterns of breathtaking beauty and shattered dreams.  The dance is crowded with so many steps the beginning and end are forgotten.  The dance becomes the reality.  Raven dreams of dancing with the wind, dancing with the rainbow, but the sky presses close and gravity hold her tight to the ball of consciousness created by the many sentient beings, each dancing their own dance with the rainbow light, each creating their own black speck of emptiness, filling it with form and movement.  Raven dances on. 

One day, tired of dancing, she sits quietly under a cedar tree.  Time and space slow until it is no problem to hear the slow speech of the plant people.  They are fascinated by the fast dancing humans and animals, and have great wisdom to share.  Raven spends more and more time under the trees, dancing now with the waving branches and the wind, sitting quietly when she tires.  Human thoughts and word slow and she becomes quieter and quieter as she sits in the comforting arms of Grandmother Cedar.

Summer comes and she sits on the rocks by the river listening to the song of the flowing water.  Days and hours lose meaning for her until one day she can hear the slow speech of the rock people.  Wise and patient, they teach her about waiting, and how to listen to the song of the universe.  Years pass on the banks of the river, waiting and listening, flowing with the water, merging with the rocks.  Humans can barely see her now, she sits so still and quiet.  All the languages are hers. 

One day, sitting quietly, a rainbow rises in the sky and touches ground at the very spot she sits.  Bathed in rainbow light she remembers everything.  Back, back she travels in time, back to the dancing, back through all her partners, back through space shrinking until she becomes the black speck in the rainbow light, smaller and smaller until she dissolves and is the rainbow once more.  Time and space have vanished and everywhere and everything happens simultaneously.  The universe of endless possibilities is her world.  Joy is her surroundings.  She is not even she anymore, but the whole, the rainbow, the everything, the nothing.  Time surrounds but cannot enter.  Everywhere and nowhere become lovers and their union is who she is.  Nothing, nothing but the rainbow light everywhere.  She has come home.

Back on the river bank, Raven blinks her eye and the world returns.  Just as before, the rocks and trees welcome her return.  This time she has not forgotten and she can remember the rainbow world and how to get there.  The rocks cheer for her good fortune.  She knows it is time now to leave the river and the trees and go back to the land of humans and their fast speech.  But she knows now the knowledge of the stillness as well as the beauty of the dance.  She will return often.

Back in the land of the humans, Raven wants to tell them of the beauty of the Rainbow World, and what she learned there, that time and space are our creations and we are all one, all part of the rainbow light, but her voice is harsh and hard to understand, and her black feathers only reflect the rainbow when the sun is shining at just the right angle.  She walks awkwardly, tilting her head and beak, trying to find the right words, living on the edge of civilization, eating whatever comes her way for nourishment.

Fascinated by human song, she spends hours and days listening on the edges of record stores, radio stations, karaoke bars, humming to the tunes and inventing her own melodies.  it takes time and practice, but she has learned patience and perseverance in her many travels.  At last, the song flows from her and she can sing.  Rainbows flow from her inner being and are released in song.  She is radiant with happiness, and the rainbows are now reflected in her feathers no matter what the light is.  Her song fills the emptiness in her being.